A Need To Be Known

Have you ever felt like no one understood you? And if no one understands you, how can anyone truly love you, right? No one seems to see your needs and they even seem clueless to who you are. I may be alone on this one but it was such a battle that I went through a year ago that I wanted to talk about it in today’s post.

When going through a hard time and feeling so desperately lost from who I was, distant from the Lord, and disconnected from the ones I loved. I sat across from a therapist and she asked me one question….What do you need? If you are feeling so “without”, what is it that you think you need?

I thought on it, wondering to myself what would cure this, what would make me feel whole again? And then the words just came out of my mouth…”I need to be known.” I went on to explain how I didn't feel like people were taking the time to talk to me, help me, get to know what was in my heart. No one was speaking life to me or acknowledging my strengths and weaknesses. No one was asking if I was okay. I wanted people to love on me and reach out to me in an awful time. I felt so alone. I also wanted my husband to see where I had voids and to fill them. I wanted someone to see something extraordinary in me and point it out so maybe I’d feel better about myself. I needed to be boosted and supported and I needed to be known.

My depth needed to be touched.

As I was saying all of this outloud (through tears) for the first time and dealing with guilt and shame for even feeling these feelings because I was truly surrounded by so many loving people, she finally spoke some words that would break my heart but change my life for ever. She looked at me and said, “Kira the truth is, no one will probably ever be able to do that for you.” When she said this, I felt like I had been punched right in the gut. I had finally realized what was at the base of my emptiness, and she says that it can’t be filled?! How discouraging! But she was right. Although the people around me could encourage me, I was expecting too much out of them. Yes, I had a void, and for many reasons that I have learned about over time, it was valid. But I was looking for the wrong things to fill it. Not even my husband could know my depth and touch it the way that it was needed. And if he tried because of my constant pressure and verbalization of my needs, I would be left feeling frustrated with the feeling of emptiness and disappointed in him for an expectation that he could have never met. That’s unfair.

But like I said, although maybe no one could fill it, the need was still there and it was real. I had been telling myself to just get over it, that I was fine, but this self talk is not Godly. This isn’t how our Father would talk to us. So what was I left to do if no one could fill my needs and it also wasn’t right to just ignore my pain?

I had to turn to the one who satisfies our every need. I went on to live by Psalm 139….

“You have searched me Lord, and You know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; You perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and lying down and you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord you know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me….Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea your right hand will hold me fast….even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well….How precious are your thoughts of me oh Lord! How vast the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I awake, I am still with you…..Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.”

If you can resonate with the feeling of loneliness or being unnoticed or misunderstood, I want to speak to you for a second…..

You, my beloved brother or sister in Christ, are not alone. I know it feels like it. I know that your identity feels so far fetched from what you believe it should be. Although it is hard to feel it, the truth is, you are a mighty warrior of God’s kingdom. You have purpose and you have a beautiful uniqueness.

Right now others may not see that you’re hurting. They may not see that you’re anointed. They may not see that you aren’t okay and you need life spoken into you. They may not see that you actually don’t have it together.

But it doesn't mean that your emptiness can not be filled because you have a heavenly father who KNOWS YOU! He knows the depth of your heart and soul because he created you. He is with you no matter where you wander. Whether you have wandered into the darkness or your insides are bursting with faith that your surroundings don't agree with, He is with you. He understands your pain and your passions. He want’s to be the strength in your weakness. He wants to put his hand upon you and comfort you. He can fill your needs. The people around you may never truly understand the depth of your soul but your God will. He created it. He loves it. He wants to be a part of it. He is the comfort no one else seems to be able to supply and He is the cheerleader you feel like you’ve never had!

So know, he’s never left your side. He is asking for you to turn your eyes back to him and crawl into his arms. Let him rock you, let him comfort you, let him touch the depths of the beauty that is you. Nothing can separate you from his spirit. No matter where you’ve been, what you’ve done, he is there. You are not alone. The world has no authority to name you or label you or tell you what you can and can’t do. So no matter what they say, know who your creator is. He is the King of all Kings, He is the one that fearfully and wonderfully made you, and still to this day has wonderful thoughts about you.

Are you putting your hope in other things or people to feel whole again? Are you finding yourself left empty and frustrated? I want to tell you today, it will be an endless cycle if you don’t turn now to the one who knows you, turn now to the one who loves you, turn now to the one that has not and never will leave you. He is unafraid of your darkness and he is unintimidated by your light. In His presence you are made whole.

You my friend, are Loved! And you my sweet friend, are going to be okay!

Our God is so good!