Don't Waste His Blood

It’s Easter weekend! This has always been my favorite holiday! There must be something about the joy of Jesus and the welcoming season of spring that pulls all my heart strings at once and I love it! I am also so excited to share this post with you. This is a revelation I received about 10 months ago and I have been holding out to share it because I found it so fitting for the celebration of what Easter is truly about.

It’s no secret that I had a hard time after I had my son. I’m learning more and more how my breakdown was a mixture of many factors but there was a point in time when I wondered if I could ever be fully restored. I knew I wanted my joy and peace back but I really wasn’t sure if it was possible. I questioned if this would be a fight that I would continuously battle or if I would one day walk again in freedom.

It was last summer and I was already months into my fight to beat depression and other pressures when I had the most significant revelation that brought me to the place where I finally knew my freedom was attainable. I was convicted, yet revolutionized, in my way of thinking toward my struggles and it was all drawn out by these words...

That day I read Romans 3:23-25…

“For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are ALL justified freely through REDEMPTION that came through Jesus Christ. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement, THROUGH THE SHEDDING OF HIS BLOOD--to be received by faith.”

After reading these verses, I then heard the Lord speak so clearly to me the key to my conviction and redemption. The words I heard would forever change my life and my perspective on living a life of freedom. So deep in my spirit the Lord spoke to me and said,

“Don’t waste my blood.”

And as I received this direction it pierced my very soul, mind, and spirit just as the sound of a cannon would jolt your entire body.

Don’t waste His blood? Those are the words that caused such a shift? That’s right. At this point in recovery I knew that I was loved by the Lord and the depression & insecurity I was feeling was a lie. But despite knowing this truth I remained chained to my struggles by shame . Sure, from the outside things looked good, even to me, but on the inside, I was still walking through hell. I was still struggling and I was bound.To chain myself with shame was me judging and convicting myself for the hard time I was having. It was me believing that these strongholds had power over me. It ultimately was me saying that Christ’s blood was NOT ENOUGH payment for me to overcome. He was beaten to death and hung on a cross for my freedom. The doubt that I could recover was a dishonor to blood he shed on the cross. He did all this so that we could have the victory here on earth. God spilt the blood of His only son, the savior of the world, so that we could have FREEDOM! The day I heard these words was the day that I knew I had been living, just as I mentioned before, as if Christ’s blood wasn’t enough. I was putting doubt in the truth that nothing is more powerful than his blood. My situation, my current struggle, the thorn in my flesh, wasn’t there because it had power, it was still there because I didn’t have faith in HIS power. Even in Revelation 12:11 the word shows us that satan is triumphed by the blood of the lamb.

The great news about all of this is that all though I personally received this revelation, it is not just for me. Christ blood wasn’t just shed for me to overcome my own struggles, addictions, etc. Christ’s blood was shed for your’s too.

So ask yourself what mindsets, habit, addictions, etc that are not of God are fastening themselves to you? What are you doubtful that you can overcome? What are you still carrying shame about?

I want you to know that Christ understands what you are going through. You may feel as if in certain areas of your life you are trapped but I want you to hear today that Christ already walked through hell and conquered these things so that we wouldn’t have to. After Christ took His last earthly breath he endured more turmoil, He left this earth and walked through hell, he bore all our sins, he bore all our burdens, and he DEFEATED them all. We don’t talk about what happened between death and resurrection very often. We know he died and he rose but we forget that in between he walked and he conquered every temptation and struggle we will face.

We are all justified. He knows your pain is real, he knows that it’s scary, and he knows that it hurts. But when we continue to walk in bondage, doubting our call to freedom, I want you to imagine Christ looking at you, scarred from the wounds and pain of the cross, asking you, “Was my blood not enough?”

In Galatians 5:1 scripture tells us, “It is for freedom that Christ set you free, stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened AGAIN by the yoke of slavery.”

YOU ARE CALLED TO BE FREE. We may still face struggles but by the blood we have the power to overcome them. Where you feel chained is a representation of where you are not allowing Christ’s blood, God’s ultimate sacrifice, to cover you. We were set free but by our skewed mindset we allow ourselves to step back into slavery. You are not bound by your situation. Keep pushing through to feeling your freedom.

When I received this conviction I knew that although I may have still felt bogged down and discouraged, I had to put my faith in what happened on the Cross. I had to believe that nothing I was to experience was more powerful than Christ’s blood shed for me. The price had been paid for me. It was finished on the cross. And if our eyes are fixed on that truth we’ll never settle for less than being “free indeed” (John 8:36).

Keep going. Keep fighting. You will recover. You will overcome. You will get your joy back. Your passion will be reignited. You will feel your freedom. His blood is enough!

Caution: Toxic Waste Inside

We all have them. Those places. Those people. That situation. That food. That temptation. The things that take us to a place of weakness. The situations that bring out the unforbidden, the worst in us. Here we are, chasing our dreams, being kind, loving on others, exuding joy, and then all of a sudden that certain person that always brings us down walks through the door. Or a conflict bursts into flames in our workplace and despite all our joy and strength, we crumble.

Crumbling may look different for all of us. Some of us may use angry or hurtful outburst, some of us may resort to gossiping and deflecting the pressure, or we may even run or cower in fear. But nonetheless these situations bring us to a place that we are not acting as we know we are created to by representing the goodness of our Lord and we are not bringing glory to His name.

These situations often leave us frustrated with ourselves. “I was doing so good, how could I resort back to old ways?” “I had gone so long without giving into this temptation, why now?!” Inevitably, we turn to blame and begin to put up walls around what we believe to be toxic.

Don’t get me wrong with where I am going to take this because boundaries are good. And recognizing that you are in an unhealthy situation is a huge step in gaining the strength to overcome these moments.But let’s take a look at this.

In Mark 7:14-20 Christ says…

“Listen to me everyone and understand this. Nothing outside you can defile you by going into you. Rather it is what comes out of you that defiles you.” After that he had left the crowd and entered the house, His disciples asked him about this parable. “Are you so dull?” He asked. “Don’t you see that nothing that enters a person from the outside can defile them.” For it doesn't go into their heart but into their stomach then out of their body.”

So what does this mean? Does it mean that although people and situations can not be healthy for us they aren’t to blame for our defilement. Because that’s how we feel when we give into bad attitudes or temptation, isn’t it? Polluted. But what I am seeing in the word of God is that no matter our surrounding, no matter who walks in the door, it doesn’t have to penetrate our heart and create a negative outcome. It doesn’t have to pollute our souls and cause us to move forward in an action that isn’t pleasing to God. We have the choice once it is in us to decide how it should be stored or digested. If we take it in and process it as we are suppose to, we can digest it and allow it to exit like the waste that it is. On the contrary when we come into agreement with a lie that is clearly from the enemy and allow it into our hearts, then it will exit us as a product that is unpleasing to the will of God. This is when we act on our hurt, anger, and discomfort instead of our faith, kindness and love.

So whether something is toxic or not is determined within you. And when there is a malfunction in how we deal with the outside pressures in our life, we most likely store the pain, anger, and hurt we feel in our hearts, which is where we inevitably begin to see the next verses unfold in our lives….

He went on to say: “What comes out of a person defiles them. For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come --- sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, ignorance, and folly. All the evils come from within and defile a person.”

These situations that push our buttons are definitely hard but they are also an opportunity to overcome. They are a chance to shine the light in darkness. They are a chance to honor God’s word. They are not truth and they are not in control of you. When they enter, don’t let them linger long. God calls us to come to Him with all our burdens & weariness (Matthew 11:28) and to cast our worries and anxiety upon Him (1 Peter 5:7).

We must take responsibility for the product of our heart by taking these character altering and disheartening situations and trusting the Lord to take care of them. We must be aware that not only will good flow from our heart but so will evil if we aren’t careful.

So here are four questions I want us to use this week when we feel like we’re not operating in our true identity so we can start beating defilement and walk and feel as the pure in heart that the Lord has called us to be.

1. What do I think triggered these feelings, thoughts, or behaviors?
2. How could I have processed things differently when I experienced those triggers?
3. What lies from the enemy have I come into agreement with?
4. What does God’s truth say about me?
5. Have I released my hurt, pressure, pain, or uncomfortable to the Lord or am I still internalizing it?

We can not control what happens around us, but we do have control of what happens within us. Your surroundings are just threats, the real toxins are created within us. Let’s not let our heart be a manufacture evil but of purity escaping those moments that make us feel defeated and disappointed.

Going Back to Your Vineyard

Fearlessness. When I use this word I use it to encompass the desire to be able to hear and do what the Lord is asking of me and disregard the uncomfortability of his request. My hope is to have my trust in Him so deep that I don't care what someone thinks of me, or how crazy I may seem, knowing that by obedience to Him I will be touched by seeing His glory manifest.

When I hear the holy spirit tugging on my heart to call an old friend, bless someone financially, speak truth, post a blog, etc. It stretches me. It stretches me to walk into a conversation that I am unsure of where it will go or what will be said. It stretches my faith to know that I really don't have the extra money to spend but if God is urging my heart to give that he will not let me go without. Sometimes these directions in my spirit can grate against my flesh so hard that it can actually make me have that sick feeling in my stomach.

But how often do we get in these situations and then just walk away. We don’t do what we feel like we should. We avoid that small voice inside so that we can stay comfortable. Sure we avoid the uneasiness but in doing that, someone didn’t get blessed and someone didn’t get to experience Christ through us because of it.

It’s a hard thing to be completely fearless in fear of our Lord. And when we avoid these directions we normally go on fine, sometimes it erks us, sometimes we just suppress it.

In Matthew 21:28-31 there is a parable about a father and 2 sons. He asked them both to go work in the vineyard. When he asked the first son to go, the son straight up told his daddy, “I will not.” He didn’t try to justify it or anything. Just completely rebelled. He asked the other son and he immediately responded and said “I will.” But he never went. But then the son who stood firm in saying he would not go, changed his mind, went back and worked in the vineyard. Jesus asked the people, who did what the father asked? And they responded, the first son. The son who said he would not go and do the work. He is the one who ended up being obedient and He then explained that this obedience would grant you access to the Kingdom of God.

Being fearless is not in what we “say” we will do. It is in what we actually do. It’s in our ACTION. It’s in our completion of what the Lord has asked of us.

What have you said no to?

What have you been avoiding that you know you are suppose to do?

What relationship do you know you should be investing in?

What life change are you needing to make?

What decision is it time that you finally make?

Who have you not forgiven or said sorry too?

You may have said no first but I know that the yearning in your spirit is still present. It once made you feel sick at the thought of doing that certain thing but now you are sick at the fact that you still haven't done it. Your spirit is grieving to be obedient. And, praise God, no matter what we say, our obedience is shown through action.

The scripture said that the first son “later changed his mind”. He changed his mind and went back and did what he was asked to do. And Jesus called that right, he didn’t say it was too late, or it didn’t count because he first said no. He called it right! And doing what is righteous and obedient grants you access to the Kingdom of God. All his blessings  and power.

I dealt with this last week as I had fear to put my blog post out to the world. I wasn’t sure that it would be received the right way and that made me nervous. But the truth is God gave me those words. Right or wrong, they were timely. They were what he spoke in my spirit to share with others. So I posted it on Friday but I drug my feet on releasing it through media, it was my way of “doing what was asked of me but controlling the audience.” Well this isn’t what Christ has called me to do with the ministry of this blog. The whole point is to not hide the truth and to not put on a skewed picture of life. To show it’s honest struggles while magnifying its honest greatness. So saying I would do it but doing it my own way was not right. So on Wednesday, I went back to my vineyard, and I did what I knew I was suppose to. I published the blog on media. I chose faith over fear. It was a delayed choice, but at least I made it.

Take time to think about this and challenge yourself to change your own mind. It doesn’t mean it won't be scary or uncomfortable. The fears that originally kept you from following through may still be present but focus your thoughts on God’s sovereignty. Focus on knowing that he will be present in the uncomfortability. Do as he has directed you, do what is righteous, and see how not only he will bless someone through you but blesses you personally as well. I would love to hear how you also stepped out and returned to your personal vineyard to do God’s work!

As Always, let’s journey together!

How To Help Your Husband Help You

Okay ladies...this one’s for you.

Our husbands, they’re our everything right? They’re our strength, our joy, our companions, the half that makes us whole. Marriage is truly the greatest blessing. It is love in it’s rawest form. It’s the choice to spend your life with someone, promising to love them forever, and the unbelievable reality that they too made that same choice for you. It’s the closest picture we get to how Christ longs to be in relationship with us. I get to experience God’s love through my husband and I get to show him God’s love through me in return. To me there is nothing sweeter.

If you know Nic and I you know that we are literally best friends. I can’t tell you how many girls nights he’s crashed just because if he is free (which in the world of a coach can be seldom) we’d simply would just rather be together. Every experience, activity, etc. I’d rather do with him than anyone else. And to my best friends reading this post, don’t hate me for saying this, but there have been times when I have been with my friends doing something awesome and all I can really think about is how it’d be so much better if Nic were there.

He just truly is my best friend. And I feel so blessed that I was given the gift of sharing life with him. But this doesn’t mean that it is always rainbows and butterflies in our relationship. Because of the reality that we have become one in marriage, his struggles become mine and mine become his. We both have weaknesses and we both have strengths. We are both two imperfect humans trying our best to overcome the challenges of this world without turning on each other in the meantime. I don’t do everything right and neither does he.

So, here we go. What do we do when our husband, our best friend, our knight in shining armor just can’t seem to get it right? You’re going through a hard time and all you can think is “does he even notice?” You’re upset and the thoughts “does he even care?” flood your mind. You’ve been so swamped at work, does he know you need pampered? Knee deep in diapers and lunch boxes, maybe a massage would be nice? Doesn’t he know I don’t even like flowers? Doesn’t he know that I’m hurting? Doesn’t he know I just need time with my friends? Doesn’t he know I miss my family? Doesn’t he see that he hasn’t planned a date night in awhile? That I’m always planning them, does he even think about me during the day?

I’m not too proud to say that I have thought many of these same things about my amazing husband. I love him and I would rather be with no one else in the entire world but there are still times when I feel so alone. Sure, a lot of this has to do with my own heart issues and I have no problem owning that but he can still help me in my weaknesses. So the biggest thing I have learned about my relationship with Nic over the last year and all my struggles is…

I have to help him help me.

That’s right ladies, you have to help your husband help you!

Number One: He is not a mind reader!

As they say way to often in my new home state of South Carolina to cover up something less than desirable... “bless ‘em.” Because God knows our men try but they don’t always seem to get it right do they? I had to learn this the hard way. I came to a place of desperate measures. A place that was scary, dark, and lost and I needed support. I needed Nic to encourage me, love me, walk with me, believe in me, and be strong for me. It was a lot to put on him and even now one of my hardest things to cope with over my tough season was the fact that my poor love had to watch me go through it. He had to see the one he loved the most, completely lost. That’s tough. But here’s the thing, our husbands don’t always know what we need. And we want them to know us like the back of our hand, finish our sentences, and have the answer to all our problems. But it’s important that you realize, that’s not their job. In the bible David didn’t cry out to his wives and say “Search me oh wives and know my heart.” He cried out to God. There is only one person that can truly understand us in and out and that is our creator. He knows what makes us tick, what our passions burn for, what would minister to our souls, refresh us and make us feel better. Through experience our husbands gain some of this information but it is not something that they supernaturally are capable of doing. So first things first...how can you help your husband help you??

You communicate.

Ladies, you have to tell them what’s going on. They don’t know how you’re feeling if you don’t tell them and if they don’t know how you are feeling they don’t know how to help you. And guess what?! Sometimes even if they know how your feeling, they still don’t know how to help you! And you have to tell them that too. I could tell my husband I am feeling lonely but he doesn’t know from there if that means I need time with him, a girl’s night, time with my family, get out of the house, or whatever. Honest and open conversation is key. We must put an end to expecting them to just get it right and to be the one to know our every need and solve all our problems. Only the Lord knows that completely.

Number two: Your husband is not a licensed therapist.

He may not know how to respond to you when you pour out your feelings to him. He may not understand the power of active listening. He may not be skilled in understanding “person and environment” and helping you set goals to overcome your strongholds. If you need him to just listen, ask him (kindly of course). If you need his advice, ask him for it. But if you need more help...go get it somewhere else. We too often put too much weight on our men. No doubt, they are strong and they serve so much as our strength when we are weak. But you have to ask yourself if you are expecting too much out of him. What can he support you in and what can only God give you? What can he walk you through and when do you need to seek other counsel?

And when you catch yourself wondering if they even think of you throughout the day...stop. He does. He loves you. And he chases his calling because of you. You just have to understand, they need help. We are natural nurturers. We see needs and we comfort and fix them. Men are natural providers. And that sometimes looks to them a totally different way than it looks to you. They are focused on providing for your family and making life easy and you are wishing he would provide for your heart and your voids. And the good news is, he can. But you have to help him understand how.

The moment I realized this and started coaching Nic through open and honest conversation in how he could help me was when I really began to see my heart fill, my body rest, and my mind settle. He had no problem helping me, I was not a burden to him, but he just needed to know how and I surely wasted too much time allowing resentment and hurt grow as I patiently waited for him to figure it out on his own.