The Right Questions

I used to have so much anxiety as my day was coming to an end. The closer it got to to my head hitting the pillow the more I felt an internal struggle. Two battles swarmed within me, the readiness for the day to be over and to finally rest, and then the contradicting worry that I hadn’t gotten everything in order that I needed to to have a good day tomorrow. All I wanted was the day to be over so I could rest from its pressures but there was a small gap that I had before the pressures of tomorrow would take their place. Looking back now I can see how it was imperative for me to get into bed during this gap and fall asleep before the second wave came over me. It’s almost humorous as I imagine it now but it was far from it then. I had two extremely heavy and annoying questions hanging over me….

....”Was I successful?!”.... and “Was I prepared to achieve success tomorrow?”

Anytime anxiety reigns in an area in our life we must hold on to the truth that we don’t need to, and don’t have to, be bound by it. Overcoming this anxiety came down to two different questions for me and I hopeful that this can help you too.

What have I put my faith in?

Who is in control?

I had to redefine what I considered to be success and I had to redefine how I got to that success. Like I said before in the “Righteous Robot” post I wrote awhile back. I was doing good things, things to provide support for my family, and insure that I was living a healthy life. But I came to learn the hard way that I was putting too much weight on these things. They were all good, they were all meant to provide “success”, but my perspective of success and how to achieve it was off.

I  was using a strict schedule and routine to dictate the security of well-being for me and my family. I was relying on my routine more than I was relying on God. I was giving all the glory to my schedule instead of the Lord. I ultimately had began to “lean on my own understanding.” The very systems I put in place to help me, ended up tearing me down. And before I knew it I was stressing out as my day came to an end because the reality was that I couldn’t put my trust in my structures. I tried but they couldn’t provide me the feeling of security I was searching for. I was on shaky ground and I found myself counting myself successful or not at the close of my day by answering questions like, “did I eat right today?” “did I exercise?” “did I pack Kai’s lunch?” “did I read?” “did I journal?” “did I stay focused at work?”

Like I said, all these things are great and they do lead to healthiness and success but they are not the end all be all. They weren't worthy of my faith and they weren’t worthy of determining my identity. I should have been ending my day asking myself... “Did I thank God today?” “Did I love today?” “Did I forgive when needed?” “Did I rejoice in Christ under all circumstances?” “Did I trust Him?”

So what are you putting your faith in? Are you putting your faith of feeling whole and fulfilled in your new year's resolutions? In your routines or schedules? Your relationships? Our faith must be in God, in the promises He has given to us, in the fact that He is all knowing and is our provider. Don’t wait until you are struggling with a bigger battle of fear and insecurity due to putting your faith in faulty structures.. Recognize it now before it sets you off course.

Take some much needed time to self reflect this week. Are you self managing your life? Are you putting systems in place to guarantee your success and then putting your faith in your systems? For instance, workout plans, eating plans, need for certain people or relationships, success in your job. These are all things in our lives that are not normally toxic to us. But because they aren't toxic means we are more likely to feel comfortably leaning on these things and our awareness needs to be spiked in these areas. Be Careful if you catch yourself having thoughts of …. “If I can just work out I’ll be okay.” “If I can just eat right I’d be happier.” (I am so guilty of these even today!) or “If I can just keep being successful in my profession everything’s going to turn out right.”

It’s time to let go, breath, and believe that you serve a mighty God who will lead you, provide for you, catch you, and cover you. Letting go is hard. In fact, it makes me sick to my stomach when I’m faced with this option. But as soon as you do you will be met with the overflowing peace of God and from a person who has experienced anxiety to the point of attacks and complete breakdowns I can tell you, the nauseousness of losing control is worth finding yourself under God’s security.

So now’s the day to start asking yourself the right questions…

Who’s really in control of your life?

What are you really putting your faith in?