How to Give the "Gift of You"

To me, there’s nothing more fabulous than quality time with people I love. Give me a date night, family coming into town, a coffee date with a friend, a cookout with other couples, etc and I get all fluttery inside in the hopes of genuine time. To love on other’s blesses me more than anything but the truth is, I like to be loved on too. I love for other people to ask me about my life or encourage me in the things I have going on. If you speak truth, compassion, or care to the specific things that are “me” I may be on high for days. I have had to learn the hard way not to be dependent on these experiences and to be dependent on the encouragement I can receive from the Lord. If too much time had gone by without these interactions I would feel a sense of loneliness. Now, I have come to understand that this gift I receive from others is an overflow of the love I already feel from my heavenly Father. No longer a need but a tool that builds me up even stronger. I’ve found so much valor in these moments of quality time with other people but I know just as well that, through that same overflow, I can be this extra strength for others.

In our culture to celebrate and honor others we give gifts. Presents on birthdays or at random are a blessing but I’ve found that they are lacking something, Power. Although, it may be cute, there is no power in a new shirt to change my life. There is blessing in it but no power. On the other hand, with the gift of relationship things can change, strongholds can be broken, strength instilled, emptiness filled, joy restored, trust mended, and dreams encouraged. Genuine relationships are laced together with power!

So it’s not about what we present to others it is about how we are present in their lives.

After going through a hard season where I wasn’t myself and my mind was fogged with anxiety I asked my husband how this season had hurt him. I wanted to ask for his forgiveness and I wanted to restore anything I had broken between us. It took him days to respond but he finally came to me and said. “I think the only way you hurt me was that I felt like I had lost my best friend.” ….Ouch. Those words hurt but it was true. I was not present to my husband. I was lost in my own world of worry. I could have given him a new car in that season but he would have still felt as if he was without because he didn’t have the “gift of me.”

The “gift of you” is what I would like to call your genuine presence. You are the presence that someone else needs. It may be hard to believe but you are greatest gift you can give.

Too often we find our self stuck on surface level in our relationships.

Here are 5 tools to give the “Gift of You”

1. Tear Down the Walls of Your Heart (AKA stop talking about the weather.)

*2 Corinthians 6:11-13*

We have all experienced pain that have caused us to put up walls around our heart. We guard ourselves from giving or receiving too much because we have once been taken advantage of. Our walls cause us to avoid conversations of depth. They aren’t just protecting you from what can flow in they are hindering all the good from flowing out. In the storehouse of your heart you have love, compassion, humor, encouragement, kindness, servanthood etc. You have to find those places that you have built walls for your protection and you must start tearing them down. Instead of putting your trust in your walls start putting your trust in the Lord as your healer. As your heart is open and healed you will be able to give the gift that is you to everyone around you.

2. Declutter Your Mind (AKA stop thinking about your to do list)

*2 Timothy 4:5*

Have you ever been with someone physically but they seem to be off in another land, as if, they’re completely unaware of the realities happening right before their eyes. This happens when our minds are cluttered. We’re having coffee with a friend but as they tell us about their life we are thinking about what we’re going to cook for dinner or dwelling on the conflict we had at work that morning. The people around us need our presence and we must learn to take one thing at a time. Deal with dinner at dinner time. Deal with your friend during your coffee date. As you declutter your mind you can truly give the “gift of you.”

3. Don’t Fear Pain (AKA don’t pressure yourself into taking God’s job)

*Proverbs 18:2*

Although, pain is uncomfortable, we must avoid fearing pain of others. Relieving the pressures of feeling other’s pain is essential. We are not the healer of broken hearts, Christ is. But our presence alone, if genuine, can break down the voids in another person’s pain, allowing their hearts to be open to healing instead of covering it up with their own walls. You just have to listen. You don’t have to fix it. When you aren’t afraid to be in the presence of someone’s pain you tear down shame in their life. What a beautiful way you can give the gift of you.

4. Really Feel (AKA give compassion the driver’s seat of your relationships) *1 Peter 3:8*

After providing a security for other’s to open up, open yourself up to feel what others are feeling. When Jesus healed he was always moved to do so with compassion. Really listening will allow you to really feel, which will allow you to appropriately connect. We often need to stop short of giving advice and just tell someone you’re sorry that they are going through tribulation or let them know you are excited for all the new things happening in their life. Responding to the feeling helps them feel as if they are not alone and they find companionship in the gift of you.

5. Trust the Gift of You (AKA don’t keep your uniqueness hidden)

*1 Timothy 4:14*

God has fearfully and wonderfully made you to be exactly who you are! Your quirks, your humor, your comfort, your emotion, it is all woven together what makes you so special and the people around you need that. Stop looking to others for cues on how to interact, look inside, look to your creator, and build confidence in who you are and go bless those around you!

Go give the “Gift of You”. You are awesome and other’s need you! By opening yourself up to be truly present in relationship with others will open the doors to have powerful life changing interactions for you and for them!