Oh My Sweet Kai...

I'ts Kai's Birthday! I decided this year to write him a letter. I want to share it with you because this is what I truly believe when I think about my son. I believe there are so many underlying and hard lessons of motherhood between the lines of these words. So although mommyhood frustration can stand in the way of my actions or the busyness of life can take my focus, this is my true heart for my son and being his mom. 

I hope it blesses him one day to hear these words....

Oh my sweet Kai,

Happy 2nd Birthday Bear! You, even in just these short 2 years, have fulfilled so much joy in our family. You, my son, are wild in the greatest way but sweet with the perfect measure of tenderness. You are truly my buddy. What I would normally find myself tackling alone while Daddy is working, I now tackle with you by my side and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

When I look at you, even now at just 2 years old, I see purpose and as your mother I strive as to honor and respect the person the Lord has created you to be. I recognize that through the everyday tasks, chores, and errands I carry with me not just a little body but but a little body full of a divine and eternal purpose. There are gifts inside of you and I know you will be the answer to someone else's healing, blessing, prayers, recovery, and discovery of God’s truth. I pray every night with you and for you that your gifts are being nourished. And Daddy and I constantly pray that we would be given the wisdom to help you be encouraged in your dreams.

Kai, you are not who your Dad and I create you to be. You are who God has created you to be and everyday I look forward to getting to know you. To know what makes you laugh, to know your sense of humor, to know what is comforting to you, to know what you see as support, to know how you love and how you receive love, to know what makes your eyes sparkle and your passion burst in flames, to know what you’re compassionate for, to know what your dreams are…to simply know the masterpiece that God has called YOU.

Lord knows I haven't been the perfect mommy the last couple of years but the truth is, I never will be. But know that even though I may not be perfect doesn’t mean I don’t commit to reach for it daily. Christ calls us to strive for perfection in Him and that is my commitment to you. And I pray that in the times I fail, you will know to lean on your perfect Heavenly Father. And when I try again, you’ll see that you should never give up and for when I actually get it right you will be confident that no mistake can ever define you. You deserve the mom that God created me to me and I commit to everyday learning more about Christ so that I can learn more about how to love you the way you need it.

I wish I could save you from ever having trails but I know that I can't but I do hope to paint a picture for you that no matter what trail comes our way we serve a good God who will always bring us through.

I love you Kai Isaiah. I love your smile. I love your laugh. I love your handsome curls that I can't bear to cut. I love the wild look you get in your eyes sometimes. I love your soft, sweet voice. I love your balance of tenderness and toughness. I even love your attitude. I love the way your eyes light up when you see your daddy and the way you love him. I love your love/hate relationship with piper. And I love so much how excited you get over something you’ve made that you're proud of.

You are a true gift to me. You have my whole heart and I love you without measure.

Happy Birthday Kai Bear!

Love,

Mommy