From Independent to Intertwined

Marriage. I'm not quite there yet but I am already experiencing the Lord shifting my mind and heart into that of a wife. I find myself making decisions that were once a battle but are now unquestionable. Selflessness, support, trust, & faith is coming to me more strongly than ever. Soon it will not just be me fighting for my own dreams but US fighting for OUR dreams.

What I love about Nic and I is that we are both driven and purposed people. We understand that there is a calling of greatness on our lives. And please hear me when I say that, I am not boasting about who we are, I am just confident that the Lord has called us to a specific purpose (as He has done to us all). We are not people that sit in the shadows for the most part but we are go getters. We help in a time of need, we have visions, dreams, and believe that we are here in this time and season to make a difference in the lives around us.

But for each of us before there was an US there was an I. Before Nic and I started dating or even knew each other he knew he was called to greatness. And before he was ever in my life I knew I was called to greatness. We both had dreams and we both still have them. The Lord birthed visions inside of us and we both still have them. Before now we have done what we can to nurture those dreams, to fight for them, to position ourselves for achievement in them, and to be souled out in our God given purpose.

Well now we are given a new God given purpose. We have not exchanged the old for the new but we have added on to what has already been placed in our hearts. We have been given the purpose of Husband and Wife, the purpose of representing the picture of how Christ loves the Church. It is not an interuption to the way life was before but it is a new mindset, a new way of thinking.

I find myself now more than ever caring more about his dreams than mine. Are my dreams still there? Yes. Will I still go after them? Absolutely. Will I continue to operate in the gifts God has given me specifically? Yes. Will I continue to nurture my dreams? Yes. None of this changes but there is a change in the process. I will do all of these things but never at the expense of what is ultimate...my marriage. I love supporting Nic in his dreams and it gives me JOY! That is a ministry. And although I find myself caring more about his than mine does that mean I will never get to see mine come to pass? Absolutely not.

There is no greater tangible picture of dying to self than marriage presents. There are no more room for secrets or unknowns. Your spouse will learn every detail of who you are, good and bad. It seems like the scariest thing in the world but yet it is the most beautiful thing in the world. Because ultimately the more we see the more our love will grow. It is truly the most vulnerable relationship. But selflessness goes both ways. Because I am the woman in the relationship and I am called to submit to him as the leader in the house does not mean I am the only one to gain selflessness. As I care about Nic's dreams coming to pass he also cares about mine. We will work together for the good of the Lord....we will work together to see these dreams come to pass.

I will go after my dreams but never at the expense of my relationship with Nic or without the greater need for the union, the family, in mind. We will lay down personal agenda's and will pick up the agenda of togetherness. I praise God for the way that he is forming me and preparing me to be a wife because I know in the past this type of selflessness would have ripped me to shreds as I felt entitlement to my dreams. Praise God I have been delivered from that and Praise God for this new understanding.

Someone once told me that I was so independent that I would end up pushing everyone away (that wasn't a very nice statement huh?!) And although it may have been semi true years ago I can say confidently today that I lay down my independence and I pick up togetherness. TOGETHER we are called to greatness.

These are just a few things I have been learning in my spirit about becoming a wife. We are only 2 months and 3 days away from entering into the greatest relationship. The newness of it all is raw and it sometimes turns my stomach but when I see how magnificent it is in the eyes of the Lord I can not wait to embark on the journey. I know I will not always be the best wife and Nic will not always be the best husband but as long as we can always lay down self and pick up togetherness we will push through to greatness.

"Submit to one another out of reverence for God." Ephesians 5:21

I love you all,

Kira